Sharing my Story

I was a newlywed. Married only 3 months. The test said I was pregnant. I couldn't believe it! Excitement and a sense of nervousness came over me. We were going to be parents.

I showed my husband when he came home. He was happy but also nervous. I began to plan out the nursery, which hospital I would give birth at, and more. Dreaming and wondering if it was a boy or girl, writing down names I had picked out since I was young.

A few weeks later we went to our first doctor appointment. I saw women in the waiting room with their little bumps and it made me touch my stomach and think that would be me soon.

Finally we were called back for our ultrasound. The lady began to move the stick around my stomach. After a few quiet minutes she said she would be right back with the doctor. I began to feel tears in my eyes. Josh stood quietly and firm.

Our doctor came in after an agonizing five minutes. She looked at us and began to tell us the baby is gone and had no heartbeat. Except in her mind it was a fetus, not a baby. To me? It was supposed to be my first baby.

She wanted to schedule a D&C because I had not officially miscarried yet. I refused and my husband was my support. Once I was in the car I cried and sobbed. Thinking it was my fault, wondering what happened and hoping the doctor was wrong.

After almost two weeks I woke up in the middle of the night with horrible cramping, nausea and went to the bathroom. I never knew a miscarriage could hurt so much. 
I start crying and called my husband in to the bathroom. He realized through the tears and crazy talk what I was saying. When I left the bathroom I felt lightheaded and began to tell my husband and then I fainted.
He said he carried me to the couch and then prayed.

Laying on the couch I kept touching my stomach and crying and the name that came to me was - Benjamin. (My biological brother's name, the one I did not grow up with).

I had never thought of a boy name yet. I was surprised.

Miscarriages are tough. Hard. Exhausting. 

I wanted to share my story because you shouldn't be silent. Miscarriages are never talked about, but they should be! You are losing a baby, you are losing a life. You did not do it on purpose, you chose to keep this baby but it did not stay.

Please don't be silent about it! I am hear to encourage you to share your story and not suffer it silently.

Share your story below

I was pregnant 4 months later with A healthy baby boy named Benjamin Conner.