Surprised by Motherhood

I am celebrating the birth of this new book by one of my all time favorite bloggers- Lisa-Jo.  When I first heard about the book I couldn't wait to get my hands on it. I kept checking my local bookstore and when they finally had it in stock, I grabbed a copy.

I always wanted to be a mom. Always. I grew up in foster care and was adopted at 10 so I have always had this fire burning inside of me to start anew and be a mom. Then when my mom (adopted but felt so much more like blood than anyone else) passed away after battling ovarian cancer for a year, I wanted to be a mom even more. I was 18 and she was gone.

I never knew how to braid my hair until this passed January. She always did it for me. I never thought to ask questions about motherhood and marriage. Although I did talk a lot about what my someday wedding would look like to my then boyfriend who I married nine months after she passed. When you are 18 and bracing yourself in the storm of your mom battling the hardest war of her life you don't think to ask the questions you will suddenly ponder so much when you get married and become a mom.

I felt that hole in my heart on my wedding day.. something was missing. I felt it when I had my first son and again when I had my second son. I feel it more it seems the older they get. Different events, stages in their lives and my own seem to trigger the hurt of her being gone.


I was surprised by motherhood with....

how quickly I could love another little boy when Ian (my second) was born
how many emotions well up inside of you when they place your newly born infant on your chest 
how hard motherhood can be, no one or anything can prepare you for it
the joys and irresistible happiness you feel each day you hear your littles call you "Mom" or "Mommy"
how much you hurt when they are hurt 

Who knew I would have two boys? I had always dreamed for a daughter, a girl so I could form a close bond just like the one I had with my Mom. But God knew exactly what I needed. I see bits and pieces of myself and my husband mixed up between the boys that I have truly been surprised by how motherhood has stretched me, molded me and carried me through so much in the past 4 and half years since I first laid eyes on Benjamin.

As Lisa-Jo says in her book

Becoming a parent is a lot like breaking up with yourself. 


I have grown up so much since I was a brand new 20 year old Mom learning how to feed my son, train him to sleep well through the night and fit back into my pre pregnancy jeans all at the same time.

Another quote I love in the book is

Losing a Mother doesn't happen in a moment, it takes years to appreciate the impact of what is gone. 

It rocked my world when I lost her but over these past almost 7 years I have noticed even more of the impact it has taken on our lives since she is gone.


You ready to buy the book? I hope so because you will cry, laugh, smile and nod many times over throughout all the chapters.

What surprised you about motherhood? 



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2 comments:

  1. So well written! Was very moved and almost started crying. I miss her too, but thankfully she's in such a wonderful place!

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