just another day

Do you ever set your standards for a certain day and think- "this is how it will go and it will be awesome!"

No? Ok maybe it's just me. I have realized after almost 5 years of being a mama that I need to stop setting such high expectations for special days.

You see- birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas, etc were celebrated in big ways when I was growing up. Since my Mom passed away before she could help me understand or show me how to work with motherhood and a family with holidays and other special days- I decided since she was gone I was going to make them THE BEST EACH TIME.

I woke up for Mother's Day yesterday at 6:20 with children fighting in our bed...fighting over who would lay next to mommy (why do the kiddos never go to daddy's side?). None the less, I tried to fall back asleep but I couldn't because duh! It was Mother's Day!

Springing out of bed at 6:45 I feed the boys breakfast and begin my day. Trying on outfit after outfit and trying not to have self hatred on this body that is broken (in my eyes) after carrying two babies and yet every time my husband says I'm beautiful I might just want to cry because it just doesn't feel beautiful anymore.

The boys fight constantly through out the day and also seem to have selective hearing when it comes to us- the parents.

So yesterday felt like a normal day in our home with boys restless and itching to be outside, errands to run, soccer practice to get to and a discussion between the husband and me. He was sharing his frustration (and rightly so) when he said "I feel I can't measure up to the expectations you set on these days."

He measures up more than he knows, the boys measure up more than they know because they are all I have ever wished and hoped for and they are each holding a huge and special place in my heart and life.

So in those moments of just another day I was reminded of how beautiful laughter is, watching the boys interact and play together at times and kissing my husband and holding him tight are all I ever wanted and all I ever need each day.